Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Whore - Short Story

When she walked through the front door to their house, she was the most surprised she had been in their 8 year marriage. Greeting her was a trail of rose petals – red rose petals. She had to catch her breath. ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ she thought. She set her handbag down on the dining table and hung her coat on the rack, then took a look in the mirror, re-touched her make-up and undid the first three buttons on her blouse to reveal some cleavage.

She took a deep breath and with bated anticipation began to follow the spontaneous trail, which as she discovered led to their bedroom. She took another deep breath as she reached the door, and settled her hand upon the handle as her heartbeat quickened at the thought of what was waiting on the other side.        
The door swung open. The coming events were not drawer dropping, but jaw dropping. Her eyes settled upon her naked, sweaty husband – who was apparently not naked for her benefit. Then her eyes examined the body beneath his. Skinnier than her, younger than her, and as she quickly noticed more flexible – the question on her lips was why, but by what she was quickly noticing, there was no need to ask.  But that however was all she managed to say, “Why?” at first she said it quietly – not heard over the screams of her husband’s whore. Then she screamed, “WHY?!?”

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Social Suicide #2

I decided to look for follow-up on yesterdays blog post, and Twitter top trend - #RIPMaryDirectioner ...

I found that she was alive. 

Yesterday Twitter filled with love (mostly) and kind words for the teenager who had committed suicide, and now it has come to light that her sister did whatever the Twitter version of 'frape' is, and made her followers believe that she had killed herself - look to my previous post for those tweets. Which is probably the worst form of hacking by a friend that I have ever seen. From what I can piece together, Mary was travelling to Spain whilst her sister had control of her Twitter account and was oblivious to what was happening. 

Today I looked at her Twitter and found that she had recently tweeted! which is fairness I thought may always be a possibility, as I mentioned in the post, but the blog post yesterday was not just about what happened to her - but just the act of real-time suicide itself. 

Her sisters confession tweets. 
The reason why I was so unsure yesterday was the fact that her sister supposedly tweeted a friend of Mary's and confirmed her death - an unlikely action of a grieving sibling - but even still I found it even more unlikely that a sister would pretend her sibling had died. I find it outrageous. I grew up as one of four children (that has since expanded) and we fought a lot - but whenever I was being bullied my siblings were always there for me - something like this is just unimaginable to me. I know also that Mary isn't just pretending that her sister did it - I checked her sisters account, she tweeted that she was sorry. 

Mary has now reportedly been unfollowed and had people send her insults and say that she is 'bullshitting' - bit harsh for an innocent girl. The people of Twitter should learn the phrase 'nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.' and apply it to situations like these. Yesterday Twitter wished that she was alive, and today upon finding out that she is not dead - they insult her? the fact that she is alive is a good thing! Utterly short-sighted and uncalled for backlash, but tomorrow Twitter will have moved on. 

Dark Shadows - Film Review

With a Tim Burton film you can expect three things: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and the element of strange.

The film begins in the 1700's with the Collins family starting a new life in America, creating a successful fishing business, building a family home (or rather Manor), and having a town built up around them - which is then named Collinsport - after the family. The young master of the Collinswood Manor, Barnabas Collins (Depp), is a rich playboy who makes the mistake of breaking the heart of a housemaid he once bedded. This housemaid happens to be a witch - and it is this act which causes her to curse not only Barnabas but all future generations of the family. If you thought you'd ever seen a possessive relationship - you've seen nothing yet. This crazy witch-bitch kills Barnabas' parents, his lover, and curses him to be a vampire and live an immortal pain that doesn't even end when he is buried underground for over 200 hundred years.

Barnabas is awoken after construction workers uncover the buried casket containing the hungry vamp. This is where the fun really begins. He awakes in the 70's, a time of hippies, Chevy's, and Alice Cooper (who has a cameo in the film).  Barnabas must learn to navigate in this new world, and soon sets out to help get his dysfunctional family back in order. Barnabas ends up falling for somebody who works for the family, again, describing her as having 'the most fertile birthing hips' that he's 'ever set eyes upon.' However soon his nemesis, the possessive witch-bitch, Angelique, discovers he is back in town and uses the most powerful persuasive tool she has - her breasts - to instigate the most epic sex scene in film history.  In keeping with his history of turning her down, and in true playboy fashion - when he is finished, he announces that is was most regrettable, and leaves. Which sets the witch-bitch in evil motion again, leading her on a vengeful mission to destroy him and his family.

This comedy certainly delivers, and Burton of course delivers, yet again, a film weirder than the audience entered the cinema believing it would be. The big fight scene toward the end is definitely over the top and when Barnabas' teenage ancestor reveals her secret - I was a little bit in shock at just how ridiculous it had gotten. The film regains its sense of dignity by the ending though, and finishes with the potential for a sequel.

The Lucky One - Film Review

Zac Efron just got sexy. He has lost his silly schoolboy crop, gained some muscles and landed himself a role as a United States Marine (Oooft). The Lucky One is an adaptation of the book by Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook, Dear John, The Last Song) which sees Logan (Zac) set off in search for his lucky charm, after his life is saved by discovering a picture of a woman in some rubble after a mission in Iraq.

The picture, with the words 'Keep Safe' written on the back, saves Logan's life twice - whilst others die around him. After returning to the States filled with the haunting traumas of military life, Logan makes it his new mission to track down his guardian angel, and thank her. This mission is made easier by the fact that the woman is standing in front of a landmark located in Louisiana. As you probably already know from the trailer, a love develops between Logan and his angel, Beth - but what Marine-bred-Logan fails to mention from the start is what brought him to Louisiana, and imagine being in her shoes when she finds out.

As with so many chick flicks, the film is filled with a lot of predictably, which is probably why the tears that welled in my eyes failed to fall. There were some moments which I did not see coming and characters I did not expect to see, but I predicted who the owner of the photo would be and I knew the outcome from the trailer - but it is the moments in between that you've got to look out for, these are the moments which are the most touching and gasp worthy. . . Oh and also sex scenes that made most of the all-female-but-two-audience jealous.

Zac Efron just got sexy. 

American Pie: Reunion - Film Review

American Pie Reunion contains all the same ingredients as the previous films - showing that not even age, 'proper' jobs and married life can mature these lads. Though the film does of course contain the running jokes from the previous films (Stifler's mum, 'This one time at band camp' etc.), it is still easy to understand for those who have not seen them (my boyfriend).

It has been over a decade and the old gang come together for a messy weekend prior to their class of '99 school reunion. A lot has changed in their lives: Jim and Michelle have replaced their sex lives with a son, Jim's Dad is widowed, Oz is famous, and one thing remains the same - Stifler still does not trust Finch around his mum. Despite everything that has changed in the lives of the characters since we last saw them, when they're back together they soon revert back to their old ways.

This is definitely not the best of the films, and they certainly didn't save the best piece till last, but if you have seen the previous films then you are not allowed to leave the table until you have cleared your plate of pie. Just hopefully it is not the same pie that Jim ... you know.

You are not allowed to leave the table until you've cleared your plate of pie. 

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Social Suicide

Exactly 2 hours ago, a Twitter user and One Direction fan-girl committed suicide and broadcast it across the world. The teenage girl who went by the username @iMaryTomlinson tweeted a goodbye to her followers, a twitter friend, and her celebrity crush Louis Tomlinson. The use of twitter was unable to save Mary as it did for a 47-year old transsexual who attempted 'real-time suicide' but it did gain her a top trend. This 'real-time' suicide is becoming a new twitter trend with these two cases not being the first I have seen. 

Mary is however the first case I have seen with the suicide actually occurring - her death was apparently confirmed by her sister to a twitter friend (though this is not certain as I struggle to believe her sisters first concern would be to tweet). 
This story is tragic and despite the majority remarking how sad it is and trending the phrase #RIPMaryDirectioner there were still those who insulted the girl and the trend. If only it was easier to locate her - all that is known from her twitter is that her first name is Mary and that she lives in Canterbury, but with only an hour between her first stating that she planned to end her life and the final tweet it would have been a difficult yet worthy mission. 

I admit myself that I think such a public suicide in any form - whether on a building top or via Twitter - is attention seeking, but there is a reason for it and it shows that they perhaps thought they had hope for themselves, whether minute or not, there was a chance - perhaps she could have been persuaded but she was reaching out to the wrong crowd it is very difficult to save a life via the 140 character world of Twitter. Though saving a life using Twitter has been achieved by Amanda Westwood (who had never met the man) - she had a longer period of time in which to find out his address and alert authorities.

Though the facts surrounding the death of Mary are so far unknown it is a tragedy, but it is also just as tragic when people speak ill of the dead and criticized the fact that it was trending - if only it trended sooner, a life could have been saved.


Her final tweet. 

I have since written a follow up to this story which you can find here

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Avengers Assemble - Film Review

Previously I have said the The Clash of The Titans was the best use of 3D I had seen so far. Avengers Assemble has beaten that. Similarly with Clash, Avengers really comes down to sibling rivalry (also funnily enough involving the Gods) and power struggles, but Avengers does it in a much more epic way. The rivalry in Avengers sees Loki again crying (not literally) over the fact that his brother Thor got the throne (continues from Thor's own film) and instead of throwing toys out of the pram he throws an army at the Earth. Loki wants to be the boot which stomps the ant (Earth), and to prevent this Nick Fury assembles Earth's mightiest heroes to defeat Thor's adopted brother. 

Usually I try not to get my hopes up with films that build up so much hype and anticipation, but with this film you can believe the hype. There were fears among fans pre-release as to whether having such a star studded cast would work, fans feared they would all be vying for attention. In the case of Iron Man it can be said that he is attention seeking, but that is just his character not the actor himself. There are evident power struggles between the characters (as to be expected) but it just makes for a hell of a more entertaining viewing. As the threat grows the team learn to play nicely and 'suit up' to to take on the demi-God who literally has an army falling from the sky at his will. 

The team shoot and smash their way to victory in this ultimate action film. It reaches so many ages and such a wide audience, bringing the comics out of the hands of the geeks and onto the big screen, and potentially giving the comic world a cool new look. Most people who have seen this film want to see it again almost immediately, I know people who have seen it 3 times already - it is a hit with the sales and it is a hit with me.

If they can't protect this Earth, they're sure as hell going to Avenge it.

Thursday, 3 May 2012

Big Bad Grandma

This short story is my own twist on the classic children’s story ‘Little Red Riding Hood’. The audience is teenagers or adults, but I have kept to the style of a children’s story to create a contrast. Hope you like it. 

As most of you know, there was once a little girl who liked to wear a red hooded cape which had been knitted by her Grandma. This little girl was known as Little Red Riding Hood. What you do not know – is the truth…

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, in a small house just outside of the woods, a frail old lady lived on her own. She relied on visits from her Granddaughter for company. One night whilst Grandma lay in bed, she was gazing out of the window…

As the full moon entered the winter’s night sky Grandma began to change. Her crow footed eyes grew and the humble hazel they once were turned into a bloodshot black. Her aged ears, decorated by dangling beads, and the left ear aided by a hearing aid, also grew. They changed and pointed at their tops, and in doing so the hearing aid fell to the floor. The beads still dangled from the mutated ears. Her wrinkled nose was next; it mutated the whole shape of her face. The area from her jaw line to her nose stretched outwards and it was now a rectangular shape. Her nose became a simple black moulding on the end of her irregular face, moist and perfectly rounded. Next, Grandma’s dentures fell out of her mouth and from her gums grew razor sharp teeth, sharp enough to puncture a tyre with one touch. 

Grandma was a werewolf.

With a hunger for meat and a thirst for blood, Grandma was a vicious mutation of her previous self.  With a simple sniff of her dog-like nose she could sense ‘food’ within a 10 mile radius. And who happened to be on her way to visit her Grandma at this moment? None other than Little Red Riding Hood, the werewolf’s Grandchild. However the love Grandma felt for Little Red Riding Hood was hidden by the sweet scent of the young girl’s flesh, bones and bodily fluids, which were skipping happily towards Grandma’s cosy cottage. These tantalising smells excited Grandma’s senses and she prepared herself for the hunt…

The young, innocent, sweet little girl was joyfully singing as she made her way to visit the Grandma she loved so dearly. In her hands she carried a basket in which some home-made cakes were waiting to be delivered to Grandma. As the little girl, proudly wearing the red knitted hood her Grandma had made for her, travelled onward to the little house she had been to so many times before – began to get nervous. She had left late on this bitterly cold November day and the darkness was easing in. The bare trees creaking above her quickened the little girl’s heartbeat.  As Little Red Riding Hood’s nerves grew she began to panic and sweat. The scent of this sweat enhanced the longing inside the beast Grandma had become. Grandma could sense the little girl’s fear, enticing her to the point where she had utterly no power over the body which was once hers. As the little girl rushed through the frightening woods, each twig that snapped beneath her feet and every tree that creaked around her caused her to shudder and gasp, as the terror began to be too much for the child to handle.

When Grandma did reach her Grandchild a scream so high pitched that it penetrated the ears of all those nearby and scarred their memories, came crying out of the little girl. Grandma’s big eyes locked onto the little girl, studying her every move. Grandma’s big ears heard every last breath the little girl took. Grandma’s big nose inhaled the sensational scent of the little girl’s flesh and blood. Grandma’s big teeth punctured the small child’s skin and tore her apart. She ripped her limb from limb. Grandma ate her Grandchild and at the time loved every moment in doing it. When Grandma was done devouring her own Grandchild all that was left of the young, innocent, sweet little girl was a burgundy blood stain tarnishing the ground, and a tuft of red thread, the only remains of the red cape Grandma had knitted her, stuck between Grandma’s murderous teeth. 

Grandma ended Little Red Riding Hood.